Depressed and hurt.

Over the weekend my wife and daughter went to the coast for a girls weekend with my wife's friends from school. I was also having my men's group happening on that Friday. So my weekend starts by helping my wife load up the car and leave, as I am excited for my group and wondering how it was going to go I start cleaning the house and preparing. I had a few guys say they were coming and after about 30 min my co-host made it and it was just the two of us. We had some good conversations but it hurt that no one made it. 

This hurt got ahold of me so tight this weekend causing me to go into a depressed state. I almost didn't eat or drink anything the entire next day. All I did was sit around and listen to an audio book and play violent video games. Even though I enjoy my gaming time normally I found everything hollow I went to church and felt myself just check out. I known that we are keep our focus on God and not let this things of this world drag us down but some times things happen. 

This if what has been going on and I have fallen off the wagon and have not been spending time in the word or prayer. I let my feeling of inadequacy and feeling like I am not making a difference truly affect who I was. I am struggling with my identity as a father and husband. I have found that I need my time with God and need to dive deeper into his love and his thoughts of me and not measure God's success on the atendence of my group. I still need to find my path, I don't know what to do with the education I got. I knew I was meant to go back to school but I don't known what I'm doing with it. I struggle with not knowing and not being the man I was called to be.