Grace and thankfulness

This week has been God one way or another teaching and reminding me to be thankful and gracious in all situations. Starting off that  couple who head up this trip to Mexico every year use their connections, fiends and family to find places for us to stay with little to no expense. With this trip costing about $500 per person to go every time they find other ways to keep the cost down with still finding ways to bless the families with more then just a home. Of corse living in the us it is easy to forget about how other parts of world lives but when confronted by the poverty of the world up front and personal even in one of the richest third world countries. This year with the most people that we have ever taken down, nearly 50 people built two houses in three days. During that time we were fed by the families that we were building for.  When you think about to feed that many people would cost them between two and six weeks of wages. 

With this being my second trip with them down to bless families down there. I have been much more thankful for the comforts we have like clean drinking water, sanitary bathrooms, and just it being clean and not having garbage everywhere. Having so little they are still able to do so much. On Wednesday night the pastor of the church in the neighborhood where we were building these homes came and spoke to us. He was a drunk and a druggie and now that God got ahold of his life he is now 30 years sober and leading 3 churches with his wife. They have so little in our eye but God sees the as just another loaf or fish to multiply and bless others. 

As the responsibility grows for those in charge so does the level of stress and some times when under stress things may come across in ways they didn't mean for them to.  There are time where I have felt slighted and hurt due to the reaction I got from them. I know in my heart that that I have grumbled against them and I must ask forgiveness from them when I can. God is continually growing the work they do with Amor ministries. These people are great people and just as we all need grace from God through Gods love we are also called to extend that grace. That is why I have to forgive them for that way I took things and ask their forgiveness for my hearts grumblings about things. God has been whispering in breezes about grace and thankfulness to me this entire trip and I thank you lord for the lessons you have for me because they hone me into the man you call me to be. 

Spiritual warfare

Here in Mexico I believe that I have come under attack. As we do our work for The Lord we are at war, we are not just here to build a couple homes we are here to share God's love. It has been my experience that if you are dining what God wants you to do there will be spiritual attacks. Those attacks can be something like a boss that keep complaining about thing God told you to do and your unwillingness to waiver from your convictions. 

Here in Mexico my attack has been a sharp pain in my gut, almost like I ate something that gave me so much gas that it hurts. Normally is that happens it is gone mid way through the night but tonight I have had very little sleep and have walked to the out houses several times. It is almost 4:30 in the morning and I'm still in a lot of pain and I am on the breakfast crew and we still have the work to do on these homes when the rest of camp it up and I will be going to the leaders and pastors here to have them wage war with me I have been praying and trying to rest tonight and today if will need God's power and grace to remove this attack and give me the strength to work the day without the rest that we need.  

Taming the tongue

If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well. Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. (James 3:3-6 ESV)

Last night at we were unpacking and preparing for our night I was spoken to saying that I had said something that rubbed someone the wrong way. I don't remember saying what I was said to have said. This is a great remainder that we need to watch our words, they can hurt and build up. This is a 2x4 reminding me to be slow to speak and quick to listen. God watch over us and help us all to be mindful of our tongue. 

Questions on the road

This morning as we got on the road again it was brought up that yesterday there was a question about what does it mean when Jesus says "the first will be last and the last will be first." This phrase is used a couple times in the gospels, we first talk about in Mark 10 where there was a request that the sons of Zebedee be seated on the right and left sides of Christ. In this section we talked about how we are to server those around us and lift them up. 

We are to not look for the praise and honor from the world in what we do, we are to look at ourselves as servants of the most high and what he wants us to do is to love. Love as a verb is placing others needs before your own. In this section Jesus is saying that if you want to be raised up you need to humble yourself. Jesus humbled himself to the point of the most disgraceful death that they knew of in that time. Doing this God opened up salvation through Christ. 

Then looking at Matthew 20:16 from where the question came from. We looked at how that parable of the laborers speaks on how we are to accept what is promised us and not look at the gifts of others and say why didn't I get that. We need to be thankful that God was faithful and gave us what he promised. Just as the workers who started at the first of the day were promised a days wage but it up the the master if he is going to pay the workers who started later the same days wage. In the same way God offers up the same gift to everyone, the gift of salvation through his son. No matter if we are saved early in life or on our death bed. We have to remember that God does not promise us a death bed where we can confess. We could die today, tomorrow, or in 80 years so don't just put it off because you want to live your life and go to heaven with a death bed conversion. 

But when it come to the phrase  the last will be first and first will be last after this parable we felt that is was a way to remind us not to think of ourselves better then someone because we or the world thinks more if us. What we or the world thinks of us means nothing to God we are just called to do the best work we can for as long as we have breath in our lungs. 

I love how God will use someone not completely understanding a scripture to bring a group of men on a bus together discussing it and coming to a better understanding of his word. His word is living and as we read it and spend time marinating in it we allow the Holy Spirit to show us new things and grow in our relationship with God. 

On the road

On the road to Mexico to build a couple houses for some families in need. 

This morning as my wife and I made out way to the church to meet up with our entire team and start the slow drive to Mexico we read through Mark chaper 6 and something that stood out to me this morning as I'm going was when Christ call his disciples he told them not to bring anything except their walking stick. It's amazing how much stuff fifty people bring and how much food we need for only a week away from home. And Jesus said don't bring extra clothes or shoes, and don't bring money or provisions. 

We think so many times that before we go and do God's work we have to be trained and prepare ourselves for what we are to go do. Jesus didn't call the learned and the equipped, he call those willing to go. We need to open ourselves to God equipping those who are willing to go. I know that God called me to go back to school and finish what I started, in doing so I am being equipped for something larger then I know. I still feel that I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going so all I can do is continue to seek after The Lord and train for the trial I'm not yet in. 

After getting on the bus and enjoying the company of my fellow travelers some put music on, others napped, and some spent time in the word. As I read in John chapter 8 I came to where The Jews were claiming to be children of Abraham. As Christ said that if you were children of Abraham that you would be doing what he did not what their fathers did. What Abraham did was be faithfull and trust God's promises. 

We are to trust that God is faithful to fulfill the promises he has given us in his word. As adopted children in the family of God we are to be doing the work that the father has for us. I don't think I'm equipped to do anything, but I feel that is how he works so that he gets the glory. We are to be mirrors reflecting the love of God, I feel the best way to share God's love is to fulfill needs of those around you. Go and love those around you.  

School

Over the last couple years as I have been working on finishing a degree (that I felt called to finish) I always thought ok I will have my Bachelors and then God will give me direction and I would go and do my service. Here I am at the end of this program down to the next 6-8 weeks of school and then graduation. WOW I have made it I’m down to the end of it and then off to work. Of course not, it’s not always that simple when it comes to God’s plan in our lives. John 3:8 say, “The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” Being born of the spirit we need to be a leaf on that breeze listening to God and his direction for our lives.

This is so true where I am standing now on the edge of a cliff waiting to know what way I will be blown. As I come to the end of this program at school I look around and say “I can go to work for a big firm like Nike or Intel, I can try to find work in the non-profit and missions field, or I can spend another couple years and get my Masters. I have seen how each has its merits. Getting on with one of the fortune 500 companies in the aria could lead to good pay comfortable life where my wife could be the stay at home mother as we hope to have children one day. Finding work in the non-profit world could allow me to have my loans written off if I stay long enough in that world whether it is secular or spiritual non-profit. Finally the scariest of all the options, go to school to get my Masters. This option is filled will all kinds of hows and the thoughts about what about getting out and doing the work I thought I was to go do.

As I pack and pull all the things I need for my trip to Mexico to build more homes with Amor Ministries I find myself thinking Maybe I am doing God’s work as I go to school and look at what is going on in my life and family God may have options and doors that I have not seen or know are there yet. I ask those of you who pray to please pray with me and my wife are we seek God’s direction, to close and open the doors around us to so to best fulfill the plan of the Lord.

God Has provided ways for us to survive this time that I have been in school thus far and I know that He will continue to provide for the things we need. But I also know that God uses us to fulfill the needs of those around us as well. We must be open to the big calling to reach the world without neglecting those closest to us who may have needs, be it spiritual or physical if we can fulfill it and share God’s love then love your neighbor.

Keep making me

This morning in the radio I heard the song "Keep making me" by Sidewalk Profits. This song speaks about asking God to break us so that we can be healed and empty us so we can be filled. We have the tendencies to let the world slowly creep into our lives that before we notice we have become callused and we can't feel God's love in our lives. God is love and he wants to fill us with it so that it overflows. In the overflow of love we are to share God's love with all who are around us. I feel that we need to be regularly broken down emptied out so that God can take the credit for who we are. Also we are to be broken down so that those calluses of life can be softened and removed to that our hearts can feel God’s love clearly and share it.

As I looked at the name of the group "Sidewalk Profits" I started to think about the prophetic teachings of Mark and Ann Tubbs. The Tubbs have teamed up with our church and when they are in town they come and teach on Prophecy at our church. For the longest time I thought of the prophetic as weird future telling people in the church, at time I even thought it was something that just happened in Bible times. But learning what prophecy is opened my eyes to many more of God's breezes and 2x4s. Prophecy is not speaking some weird spiritual future to someone (but that can happen), it is about putting yourself aside and letting God's love speak through you and speaking God's love into the lives of those around you. 

As you spend more time in quiet fellowship with our Lord and Savor you are able to hear and see things that God has for you, whether it is the next step in your life as you are faithfully completing the last or if it is a word or something to someone around you. Believe me when you first step out in faith and share with some one something you feel is from God it will feel weird and odd but one day God may use that to touch them in a way they never knew they needed. Then again it could give them a direction as I got when couples I never met and had no clue the things going on in me and I was told to not use this money for a bankruptcy but go to Mexico and give of yourself. 

God has provided every need that me and my wife have had and we still struggle at times letting him have full control even though we know, he knows better then we do on what we need and where we are to go. As we struggle to give it all to God, we also try to spend our time listening to the breezes so we can share God's love and hear his plan for our lives. 

With the second part of their name referring to who we are to be, those who's Christ's love flows through the first part of there name signals us a direction, we are to take his love to where the people are. On the sidewalk we can reach out and touch the lives of those in our neighborhoods, cities, states, and to the world. Go and share God's love through the gospel and through his love. I hope and pray that God keeps making me new every day.

Repaired and now what?

My wife sent me a link today ( http://pastorevan.org/ ) the story that he shared was about finding an old violin that he thought was his mothers, noticing it was missing strings and parts were warn and broken, he had it restored. After the restoration it was good as new but being that he didn’t play it got put back into the case and stored again. Later asking about this violin that he put money into he found out that it belonged to his great uncle and was most likely not played sense the 1930’s. Then using the violin as a metaphor for our lives in Christ he speaks on how as Christians we will allow God to forgive us and repair us, but after that we put ourselves back in the case and put ourselves back on the shelve.

We all have a purpose on this world. God has a plan for each and every one of us. This violin that was broken in need of repair was made ready to play but got put back into storage. This Violin is like many of us we are ready to do what we were made for but are put up looking for something.

When I placed myself back on the shelf I proceeded to brake myself more then God had repaired the first time. Sex, drugs, alcohol, and smoking were my way of saying thanks for the get out of jail free card. Though the pain and trials that came during those years God was able to draw me back to him. As God works on you will start to hear how he speaks to you. There are those who hear his voice clearly, there are those who have visions and dreams, there are those who feel his leading in their heart, and there are those who can hear God speaking though others around them. Any of us can go to his word and read it and hear God speak to us. If you want to hear God there are some things you can do. First Ask, if you want to hear him ask that he speak to you. Second seek him, spend time in the word, pray and have quiet time. Third keep records, keep track of what you are asking for and when you are asking it because he may not answer your question you think he will or should.

I know I have had a hard time sitting down and writing what I’m praying about and when I pray it. God will still speak to you whether you notice or not and that is the point of this. We are more aped to hear and notice the 2x4’s that God uses but some times we need to look back and look at where he spoke in a breeze. I urge you to not let yourself be placed back into storage and listen for the breezes in your life. And always remember if God calls you to something he will or may have already equipped you for the task.

Sights and Sounds

This morning I found myself getting my bass out and getting myself reacquainted with it. Speaking to a couple members of my churches worship team they had suggested to just show up to practice and see where it goes and maybe I can over time work into a fill in or alternating positions. Playing around with a few things I remembered from when I was playing regularly and goofing off with some new stuff and getting back into how it feels to play again.

During my time playing, I also spent time listening to old and new music in my library and remembering how I felt at times when those songs touched me. This remained me about how God uses all kinds of things to whisper to us. I spent a few hours just listening to music playing along when I could or trying to figure out what the bassist was doing. Each of those songs I remember touching me in a different time and in different ways. I remember the day I listened to the song “I Refuse” by Josh Wilson and hearing God push those words onto my heart. This song (if you have not listened to it) is about refusing to sit back not doing the things God calls us to do.

Christians many times focus on all the “thou shall not” statements, but Christ has told us to “Love.” The word for love in today’s world is all about the feelings and the ewy gooey mushy stuff, but the Love that Jesus uses is a verb, an action word. Christ calls us to “Love our neighbor” or to “Love our enemies” when we look at love from the feeling side of the word we think that is imposable how can I have feeling other then anger toward my enemies or how can I love the owners of the little yappy dog next door. When you look at love at an action then you can see what Christ was calling us to do.

Love is putting others needs before your own. Looking at it this way we can see how we can love our enemy or our neighbor. We are to fulfill a need when we see it and have the ability to fulfill it. We are to not only to take care of ourselves as the world does but take care of those around us. In Matthew 25:40 “… Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these brothers, you did it to me.” This is Christ saying that as we take care of the needs of those around us we are taking care of him and following his commands to Love.

After playing my bass for a time I realized that before I go one my Mission to Mexico in a few weeks I should also clean off the pictures that were still on the memory card. Going through them I found it had been nearly six months of pictures that I had accumulated and needed to sort. As I go through then I find things that I was in awe of when I took the picture but also coming back to them. At one point we had a cold snap and my wife and I went around taking pictures of fountains and bodies of water some great pictures of what can happen in the cold. I also found pictures of our Golden Retriever playing in the snow and on the beach.

Looking through these pictures and seeing the beauty that God has put together for me to see just how wonderful he is through his creation.

Midnight Work

 This morning I felt that I should mention that this blog is results to one of those Breeze and 2x4 moment. Most nights I sleep though the night with maybe the occasional trip to the restroom to interrupt my sleep. Through encouragement from some of my friends I started the habit of if I wake up in the middle of the night I will pray about anyone or anything that comes to mind. Many times that this happens I pray for a time and return to sleep. Monday morning was one of those nights where I woke and started praying.

I woke about midnight noticing it was not the restroom calling that woke me but God. I spent the better part of two hours praying and seeking God, His direction for my life after school, where my family and I are to serve and in what capacity. Also I spent time praying over my sleeping wife and about others that came to mind. After giving some advice to some friends the phrase the breeze and the 2x4 had been stuck in my head and I remember telling a few others about it after I had first used it.

After those couple hours praying I had the urge to go write. Never really being one to have a journal of any sort or wanting to write anything other then what I needed for school I felt the need to write. Thinking of others around me who have blogs of varying types, I felt that a blog was the form that it should take. I also thought that being that my wife and I fell called to server around the world this would give me a forum where I can share the experiences God has in store for me.

I truly know that this wakeup call in the middle of that night was from the Lord. The human side of me told me to just go back to bed but being that I listened, I was up starting at midnight until after my class at Multnomah, which cased me to be up until about 10:30 that night. God gave me the strength to not only wake up and write but also to go to class for four hours interact and contribute to class before riding my motorcycle home.

I don’t know if this would be a breeze or a 2x4 but God will give you the ability to work the plan he has for you, just keep listening and watching. I have to thank a good friend who reminded me that 1Kings 19:11-13 also shows how God can use a breeze or a 2x4 or in Elijah’s case a whisper and a earthquake to prove a point.

Lent

I never gave Lent much thought. Looking at it as this thing that Catholics do every year before Easter. Through my wife God has had me looking at Lent differently, yes we have decided to give something up for this time before Easter but unlike how I looked at things before its not just a time of depriving myself or my household of something, it a time to put my priorities back where they belong. I know that may people give up things like meat, sugar, chocolate, coffee, or even sex. I believe that, wail that is all well and good, in our day and age that there are many more things in our lives that take us away from God or distract us from God and those are the things we should give up or limit during this time. If this season is meant for self examination, and repentance leading to the celebration of Christ's raising from the dead then we should look at removing the distractions of things like TV, internet, video games, and social media. Over these last few days it has been a struggle giving up what we chose as a family to give up. 

Doing so has left me with a lot of time on my hands, as a full time student after finishing my classwork I have to find ways from not going to those things that we gave up. Without knowing it these prophetic women in my life challenged me to spend more time in the word. Whether it is a breeze or a 2x4 I'm not sure. But I do know that its a daily battle against the evil one to walk in the light. I encourage all to take a time and set aside those distractions and pick up the word of God and drink in every word.

The breeze and the 2x4

This is all about how God has and does speak to me. There are times that he speaks as a soft breeze blowing here and there as John 3:8 says "The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit." There are also times where God uses the preverbal 2x4 to smack us up side the head. The story of Jonah is and example of this, God using the storm and the fish to get Jonah to listen. I have come to the realization that we need to listen for the breeze but be aware of the 2x4.

We are not to be so focused on finding that breeze, that as we search and seek God in the little things we miss the big picture. Looking back at my life I can see where I have missed breezes and ignored 2x4 all leading me to where I am today. Writing to who ever want to know my struggles and how God still uses me after all my failure.

Where I come from and my story so far.

Growing up in a Christian family I remember hearing and learning about God, Jesus, and this thing they called the "Holy Ghost". I remember just going to Sunday school and trying to be a good kid (the best I could be) and wearing the name Christian, because my parents were and I went to church so sure I was too. By my freshman year of high school I knew in my head that I needed to have "Accept Jesus into my heart" because I didn't want to go to Hell. Not knowing at that time that the camps and conferences I was going to, really to have fun, were times where God was speaking to me in the breezes of life. Over my high school career I flitted about not having many friends and going to youth groups. God had gotten me to listen enough over those four years that out of high school I spent a year at Boise Bible Collage. These whispers and breezes were working to a point. Because of bad habits and poor study regiments, I was put on academic probation and chose to get married instead of returning to school.

Being young thinking that marriage would be easy I found myself being mentally and physically abused by a woman (well a girl) who claimed to love me. After less then a year I found myself divorced in debt and looking to drugs, alcohol, and smoking for answers to why I was where I was. After getting into the bar scene I got into a physical relationship with a woman and after a time of being together, I felt guilty for what I was doing and married her. During the nearly seven-year marriage God continued to try to speak to me through the breezes and I ignored most of it. Thinking the way the world does, and not knowing that I was listening to God a little, I went back to school going to a large university and working through most of my general education courses trying to get a degree in computers or accounting. I found myself hitting dead ends and things I didn't want to do.

About the same time I was starting to question "What am I going to school for?" my then wife left me saying "I don't love you any more." Luckily during those seven years God had gotten me off the smoking and drugs and I rarely drink any more. Right out of that relationship I bounced from relationship to relationship trying to find what was missing from my life. As I started to develop a relationship with Christ I found that being a Christian is not about who your family is and where you come from, or going to church (because over all those years I still went to church). I was that Sunday morning Christian that went to Church on Sunday and lived like Hell the rest of the week. As I started my true relationship with God, I was able to look back and see all these trials that I went through were God's 2x4's trying to get me back on path. God has a greater plan for me then I could ever have for myself.

The next 2x4 hit me and I realized that I need to finish what I started nearly 13 years earlier and I started to look for a Bible college where I could finish what I was called to. Not knowing where it would take me or how I would fit it into my life. I listened and found Multnomah University, formally Multnomah School of the Bible. As I moved though the application process and prepared for my first class I was still relationship hopping. Just as I came up to my first class one relationship closed and another opened. After chatting online for a time our first date was the Saturday before my first class at Multnomah. We continued to chat and see each other as I started school. Through my first couple classes and throughout those first few weeks of school we discovered that I have a call on my life that she does too, we both have a heart to serve around the world. After a couple months together and listening to God I felt that I was to marry this woman. being she had never been married before and me having two failed ones under my belt, her family was a little hesitant. After more then a year long engagement we married.

Before getting married we had been discussing my debt and how that would affect us. Being my ex-wife took the house and car and a few others things during the divorce but leaving my name on them, I thought the only way to take care of it would be to use a lawyer and claim bankruptcy. We saved up a little money setting it aside for the lawyer. A few days after meeting with a lawyer we went to a prayer service where we were prayed over as a couple. During these prayers God told these people who never met me and didn't know what was going on in our relationship, they told me that this money I had was not going to what I thought it was going to, they told me about me going and serving and many other things I don't remember any more. After our prayers we sat back down, I was searching my heart and my thought and crying out to God for a direction. I was told that I was to go on the Mexico Mission trip our church was doing. God told me this with a huge 2x4 being I had never experienced prophetic prayer before. The money that we had put away was just the right amount to cover my way on the trip and my wages when I was gone so that I didn't use up my vacation. This all happened maybe six weeks before we were to leave to build a home and change a family's life.

God again is using prophetic people around me to hit me with 2x4's to keep me on track. I still have times where I let the world get ahold on me and drag me down or I get lazy thinking that because I'm in a good place now that I can relax. I need to remember that just as in Jeremiah 12:5 "If you have raced with men on foot, and they have wearied you, how will you compete with horses? And if in a safe land you are so trusting, what will you do in the thicket of the Jordan?" we are to train for the battle and trials that we are not yet in because if we are failing now how can we do what God has in store for us. These prophetic women in my life are reminding me that I need to spend time in God's word marinating in it and drinking in every word from the Lord. God is preparing me for a battle that only a year or two ago would have destroyed me.

As I prepare to go to Mexico again there are new ways that God is stretching me and whispering to me in breezes. I pray that you listen to the breeze but be aware of the 2X4.