Miscarriage Limbo

Miscarriage has been this taboo subject for most if not all my life. I would occasionally hear about it in hushed conversations between women and see ladies crying without understanding. As a man it is even less heard about in conversations, not that is does not affect us, but I feel like it is because we have not been seen forming a bond with these children. Fathers are often just thought of as sperm donors until they prove themselves as dads after the child is born. Well that has been what I have seen, fathers do not get a say in if a woman gets an abortion or really anything until these children are in this world and the father is given the opportunity but sometimes not even then.

I am in limbo; the doctors have told us that there were no heartbeats after going in for our first appointments and then being sent to an ultrasound. I know that our God is a miracle working God, I have seen them, and I have been apart of them happening. We are praying life and health be pored into these babies that are still in my wife’s womb. There is a grief that is with me to a point because there is a possibility that things can go ether directions. We know that is this is a full miscarriage that they will be with the Father in Heaven awaiting us when we arrive.

We are greatly blessed by our community who are gathering around us and praying with us. As a husband and father, my heart aches for my wife with the emotions and hormones coursing though her and my children who have no idea really what is going on with their mother. My 5 year old knows that there was reported issues with the babies and that they didn’t have a heartbeat and my 3 year old keeps saying stuff like “baby bye bye” or “baby out.” Like when you first loose someone close to you I am walking though each day one step at a time feeling bla and not knowing what to do next. As a man going though uncertain times, and praying for peace and understanding though out the process, I need my friends I need my foxhole guys who are gathering around me. If you are going though this you are not alone there are others who have going though it but just as every pregnancy is different every loss is different.