Today is an emotional day, after a week of prayer and not knowing the outcome, last night my wife miscarried. She did it at home with her mother there to help her through until I got home from work. To me this felt like I was helping her though birth and, in some ways, it was, but I knew that this was not going to end in another member of the family in our home. Before learning that there were two and that there were no heartbeats, we had been discussing names and those became the names for these two that we never met.
It was exceedingly difficult for me to be with my wife as she was going through this because there was truly little if anything I could do other then be there with her. I am grateful for my mother and mother in law because they were able to be more helpful than I was because I was struggling emotionally as my wife went through the physical. Something that this process has shown me that I may be more extroverted then I thought, when we found out there were not heartbeats my fist thought was not I need to run and be alone I needed my Foxhole men, I had already scheduled my monthly meeting of my guys and I knew that I should not cancel it even though I knew there would not have been any objections or questions if I did.
Writing has become one of my outlets. Because of the taboo nature of miscarriages all I can do is to talk though what is going on in me because I have never really heard other men talk about it. I am pro-life I believe that as soon as those cells are knit together and start forming into a new life, that new life is valuable and worth honoring both in birth and in death. We have named our children that are in heaven, I morn their loss, I see myself with 4 children with 2 in heaven, not having 2 children and a miscarriage.
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