July 18, 2020 My soul has had enough!!

Reading: Proverbs 7-8, Psalm 123, James 3, and Luke 10

Scripture: Psalm 123:1-4, To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens! Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he has mercy upon us. Have mercy upon us, O Lord, have mercy upon us, for we have had more than enough of contempt. Our soul has had more than enough of the scorn of those who are at ease, of the contempt of the proud.

Thoughts: This Psalm is a lot how I feel at this time. I try to keep my eyes on God, I try to keep looking to him. I look us to praise and worship looking for grace and mercy. I have had enough for the contempt and scorn and craziness that has been going on in our cities and around the country, no matter if it is about racism or if it is over being asked to wear a mask, I am tired and had enough of the of the proud and extreme who are putting the scorn and contempt into this world. Let us all pray for our county, state, county, and cities that the truth be know and the spirits of deception and rebellion be removed. 

Prayer: Father God you are our strength and our armor. You are the author and director of all things. I thank you for my family, I thank you for your provisions and blessings you pour out. I pray against the spirits of deception and rebellion that are leading people. I pray for this great country, grant the leaders visions of you and your wisdom starting from the top with the president all the way down to city and local leaders. I lift up the police force as they are being attacked for actions of a few. Open the eyes of all help the to see you and how you have called this world to act and live. Show your love to this time of upheaval. 

Limbo over

Today is an emotional day, after a week of prayer and not knowing the outcome, last night my wife miscarried. She did it at home with her mother there to help her through until I got home from work. To me this felt like I was helping her though birth and, in some ways, it was, but I knew that this was not going to end in another member of the family in our home. Before learning that there were two and that there were no heartbeats, we had been discussing names and those became the names for these two that we never met.

 

It was exceedingly difficult for me to be with my wife as she was going through this because there was truly little if anything I could do other then be there with her. I am grateful for my mother and mother in law because they were able to be more helpful than I was because I was struggling emotionally as my wife went through the physical. Something that this process has shown me that I may be more extroverted then I thought, when we found out there were not heartbeats my fist thought was not I need to run and be alone I needed my Foxhole men, I had already scheduled my monthly meeting of my guys and I knew that I should not cancel it even though I knew there would not have been any objections or questions if I did. 

Writing has become one of my outlets. Because of the taboo nature of miscarriages all I can do is to talk though what is going on in me because I have never really heard other men talk about it. I am pro-life I believe that as soon as those cells are knit together and start forming into a new life, that new life is valuable and worth honoring both in birth and in death. We have named our children that are in heaven, I morn their loss, I see myself with 4 children with 2 in heaven, not having 2 children and a miscarriage. 

July 17, 2020 I don't want to work!!

Reading: Proverbs 5-6, James 2, and Luke 9

Scripture: James 2:18, But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.

Thoughts: To me this passage was mirroring the passage in 1 Corinthians 13:1, If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. We are know by our fruit, do we have good works for good works sake, to we speak in tongues to edify ourselves, with out faith and love all the religious things we do all the works we do are worthless. I know that in my past I did things just to keep up appearances that I was still being a good Christian, looking like I was still doing all the dos and staying a way from the don’ts, at least to those who didn’t know me. That may be part of the reason that the church I attended at that time folded, there was not a call to repentance and faith grown or discipleship. I’m not saying that everyone in that church were wrong or that they taught false doctrine but there was a focus that was off center for many including some of the leadership. Let us seek God and find ways to share our faith though the work we have. 

Prayer: Father God your love is overwhelming, you are so good to us and pour your grace and mercy upon us. I thank you for your love, I thank you for the peace and comfort that you have shown us. I thank you for my family and those who are as family. I ask that you help me to keep my focus on you and not doing works to get the praise of works but to point to you. 

July 16, 2020 Count it as joy!!

Reading: Proverbs 3-4 and James 1

Scripture: James 1:2-4, Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 

Thoughts: When in the midst of a trial, I know that it is hard to see or find the joy. James is exhorting us to count it as joy to go though trials. Being in limbo between being told our babies have no heartbeats, faith that our father in heaven can heal and breath life into these children yet knowing there is the possibility (likelihood) that my wife can miscarry. The joy I have found is in knowing no matter the outcome I have twins, no matter if its on earth or if they are waiting for me in heaven. The joy I know is that through this I will have a new strength and a steadfastness that that I didn’t know before. What are your trials, and how can they bring joy and a steadfastness?

Prayer: Father God, your love abounds over me, you comfort me in my hurt and you open my eyes to joy. I thank you for my family and all those who gather around us as family. I thank you for your provisions and blessings you pour out on us. I thank you for the peace that you are giving us in this time of distress. I ask that you pour your peace and love out on all who are hurting in this time, open the eyes of those who don’t know you so that they can see the comfort that only you can bring. I continue to ask for healing to my wife and children with all authority you give us in your Son’s holy Name. 

 

July 15, 2020 Who or what do you fear?

Reading: Proverbs 1-2, Psalm 128, Hebrews 13, and Luke 8

Scripture: Psalm 128:3-4, Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

Thoughts: This to me was a reminder of God’s goodness and faithfulness to us. Siting in a time of unknowns, it is easy to let fear creep into our lives. Pandemics, Riots, and murder hornets, with us being globally connected with social media everyone’s opinion is being shared and the mass media reporting on some of the most horrific things, an unhealthy fear is easy to develop. Psalm 27 starts with calling God our salvation and stronghold and asks who should I fear. We are called to fear God because he is the only one who can cause eternal consequences. Everything the evil one can do here is only temporary. If I die here I will rise with my new body.

Prayer: Father you are so good to us and lead us to green pastures. I thank you for all you have done and all you are doing. I thank you for my family and the blessings and provisions that you are pouring out on us. I ask that you help me to recognize you blessings, provisions and directions betting so that I can follow after you. 

 

Miscarriage Limbo

Miscarriage has been this taboo subject for most if not all my life. I would occasionally hear about it in hushed conversations between women and see ladies crying without understanding. As a man it is even less heard about in conversations, not that is does not affect us, but I feel like it is because we have not been seen forming a bond with these children. Fathers are often just thought of as sperm donors until they prove themselves as dads after the child is born. Well that has been what I have seen, fathers do not get a say in if a woman gets an abortion or really anything until these children are in this world and the father is given the opportunity but sometimes not even then.

I am in limbo; the doctors have told us that there were no heartbeats after going in for our first appointments and then being sent to an ultrasound. I know that our God is a miracle working God, I have seen them, and I have been apart of them happening. We are praying life and health be pored into these babies that are still in my wife’s womb. There is a grief that is with me to a point because there is a possibility that things can go ether directions. We know that is this is a full miscarriage that they will be with the Father in Heaven awaiting us when we arrive.

We are greatly blessed by our community who are gathering around us and praying with us. As a husband and father, my heart aches for my wife with the emotions and hormones coursing though her and my children who have no idea really what is going on with their mother. My 5 year old knows that there was reported issues with the babies and that they didn’t have a heartbeat and my 3 year old keeps saying stuff like “baby bye bye” or “baby out.” Like when you first loose someone close to you I am walking though each day one step at a time feeling bla and not knowing what to do next. As a man going though uncertain times, and praying for peace and understanding though out the process, I need my friends I need my foxhole guys who are gathering around me. If you are going though this you are not alone there are others who have going though it but just as every pregnancy is different every loss is different.

July 14, 2020 Discipline is not fun!!

Reading: 1 Kings 10, 2 Chronicles 9, and Hebrews 12

Scripture: Hebrews 12:6-7, For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?

Thoughts: It is so easy to think of God as the all old man in the sky watching us to smite us when we mess up. Also it is easy to not recognize discipline and correction in our lives. We have all been disciplined by our parents no matter if it was done the “right” way or not we had to be taught how to live in our world or culture. God loves us so much that he wants to teach us how to live in his kingdom before we get there. He has adopted us into his family and made us co-hears with Jesus. Are we going to continue to not listen to him and throw it back in his face to live like everyone else or are we going to step up and listen? Discipline is never fun, there is always consequences when we don’t listen, as a child it could be a swat to the bottom or a time out, as an  adult it could be something like an accidental death that you are responsible and you have to live with that or something like a speeding ticket.

Prayer: Father God, you are so wonderful, you teach us and guide us in the way we should go but do not force us to walk that path. I thank you for your discipline and the correction you bring to my life. I thank you for my family and the those who are as family. I thank you for your provisions and blessings you pour out on us. I ask that you help me to see and understand your discipline in my life that I can learn and grown from it.

July 13, 2020 Limbo

Reading: 1 Kings 9, 2 Chronicles 8, Hebrews 11, and Luke 7

Scripture: Hebrews 11:35, Women received back their dead by resurrection. Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life.

Thoughts: I Love this chapter in Hebrews where the author reminds us of so many of the acts of faith through out the scriptures. Here in the midst of our limbo state of hearing the doctors tell us there is no heart beats in our babies, yet my wife is still carrying these two babies. We know that our God is able to breath life into these children and that we have a great cloud of witnesses around us praying life into these children. We are living in faith and in limbo waiting to see how this is going to play out. The Father is faithful and loving and will comfort us when needed and will bring joy when needed.

Prayer: Father God you are in control of all things and lead us to green pastures. Your creations groan with your glory and point to you. May your praises endure forever. I thank you for your grace and mercy. I thank you for my family and those who gather around us. I lift us all those who are going through loss or in a place of limbo, give them guidance and peace in the situation. Lead me in your directions and show me my place in your plan.

July 12, 2020 Where are your Arrows?

Reading: 2 Chronicles 6-7, Psalm 127, and Hebrews 10

Scripture: Psalm 127:3-5, Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Thoughts: About a year ago my wife and I took a parenting class where there underlining verse that structured this 8 to 10 week study was the Arrow portions of this passage. About 2 months ago I wife told me that we adding to our quiver. Just a couple days ago we were told there were two but also there was no heartbeats that could be found. We have arrows in our quiver, and we are working hard to rase them in the way of the Lord. How many Arrows are in heaven waiting for us?

Prayer: Father you are so good, your grace and mercy endures forever. I thank you for the love and peace you are pouring out upon us and the cloud of witnesses you have surrounded us with. I thank you for my family and friends. I praise you the midst of the hurt and pain. You are in control of all things, life and death.

July 11, 2020 Waiting

Reading: 1 Kings 8, 2 Chronicles 5, and Hebrews 9

Scripture: Hebrews 9:27-28 And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him.

Thoughts: In this today it was being compared that Jesus the high priest after the order of Melchizedek was also the sacrifice that took care of sin forever not just once a year like to sacrifices done in the past. Then we are reminded that we will die and be judged for what we did and how we lived our lives. Then when he comes again its not to deal with the sin because that work was finished on the cross and we all have access to that, but to save us who are eagerly waiting. When I read that we are going to be saved, that leads me to think that when he returns this world will be on the verge of hell on earth, where we need saving. As bad as things are in some and maybe most large cities in America with riots and protests there is a move to toward a world where we may need to be saved.

Prayer: Father God you are good. You creation screams of your glory. I thank you for your love and the mercy and grace you pour out on us, not giving us what we do deserve and pouring the blessings that we could never earn upon us. I thank you for my family I thank you for each and every person whom you have given me to walk with. I ask that your love pour over my family anew give us the grace of people and help us to pour your blessings out as you pour them on us.

July 10, 2020 All night Prayer meeting!!!

Reading: 1 Kings 7, 2 Chronicles 4, Hebrews 8, and Luke 6

Scripture: Luke 6:12 In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God.

Thoughts: We have choices to make every day some large, some small. I this account of Jesus’ life Luke make the point to say that before appointing the apostles he spent a night in prayer. When we have a large decision are, we prayerfully laying this before God or are we relying on our experience and reasoning to get us though the process. More often than I would like to admit I will follow what I want, and I think is where I should go and not seek God. I do not know if most of my choices would have needed an all-night prayer meeting, but I know that there should have been some prayer about it and not a headstrong bull just charging into something that I thought was the way to go. “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:6

Prayer: Father you are the all mighty, all knowing, creator of all things. I thank you for all you have done in my life. I thank you for my family, I thank you for the provisions and blessings you pour out on us. I thank you that you have given us a way to connect to you and we don’t need any mediator besides your Son. I long to spend more time in your presence and to speak and listen to you. I allow myself to get distracted by many things. Help me to connect deeper with your Lord and grow in your truth and understanding and not my own.

July 9, 2020 Quiet your Temple!!!

Reading: 1 Kings 5-6, 2 Chronicles 2-3, and Hebrews 7

Scripture: 1 Kings 6:7, When the house was built, it was with stone prepared at the quarry, so that neither hammer nor axe nor any tool of iron was heard in the house while it was being built.

Thoughts: Today, reading though the word in my Quiet time in the early morning hours of the day. I was struggling to hear something from God as I read and tried not to let other things distract me, On I think it was the third read through this passage from when Solomon was building the temple stood out. Salomon did not want the sound of the iron tools being used at the temple, sure there would have still been sounds of construction going on, instructions being yelled out stones and beams being put into place and the should of a wooden hammer putting in a peg or a nail. If you have ever been around stone cutting or places where iron strikes iron, you know it is loud and there is normally a suggestion to wear hearing protection. Salomon even before the temple was finished had a reverence for what is was. We are told in 1 Corinthians 6:19, that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. I know that I am a work in progress, I am not done yet. Are we able to keep the excess noise in our lives turned down? I admit that I struggle with being connected though social media things but sometime when I am needing to listen to God I will find myself scrolling through something on my phone. Where is your quiet place and can you turn off the extra noise in your life?

Prayer: Father God I know you can speak over the roar of a jet, and can make me hear you, but you choose to call us to the quiet place. Your Son demonstrated this for us throughout his time in ministry. I thank you for calling me into that quiet place and reminding me the importance to keep this temple quiet to hear your voice better. I thank you for my family, I thank you for your provisions and blessings you pour out even when I don’t see it. I ask for help to set aside those distracting things.

July 8, 2020 What is your desolate place???

Reading: 1 Kings 4, Psalm 9, Hebrews 6, and Luke 5

Scripture: Luke 5:16, But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.

Thoughts: In most churches, we pray during service we pray when we gather, and we pray when we are in need. In this world of greater and greater connections to society are we finding that desolate place to pray, or at least creating it? Because of the internet this world has gotten extremely connected but yet we struggle more then ever to communicate. Yes, it is nice to go up into the woods where there is no internet or cell signal but that is not always practical. We can make our own desolate place by making a point to turn off our phones and find a quiet place away from the business of our homes. That can be found ether by time or locations. Set aside a place and time to get away from the noise of life and focus on God.

Prayer: Father you are so wonderful, I thank you that you are always listening and always answering our prays. I thank you for my family and the great blessings that are. I thank you for your provisions and blessings you have poured out on us. I ask that you help me to prioritize more to speak to you and listen for your still small voice.

July 7, 2020 Who is in Charge here???

Reading: 1 Kings 3, 2 Chronicles 1, Psalm 72, and Hebrews 5

Scripture: 1 Kings 3:9, Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, that I may discern between good and evil, for who is able to govern this your great people?

Thoughts: I know I still struggle with resting on my own understanding, and seeking my glory, it is human nature to look out for themselves, yet God calls us to love our neighbors as our selves. When God came to Solomon and asked what he wanted he was asked for the thing that would help him to govern. Are we looking and asking for things that will benefit us or others? I want to benefit others, but I also struggle with the idea of “What am I getting out of it?” I see so many others out there with new cars, huge houses, and all the fun things and I look at the things I have and don’t have.   

Prayer: Father the beauty of your creation leaves me in awe, the majesty of the mountains and the roar of the ocean cry out your name. I than you for my family I thank you for the provisions and blessings that you pour out on us. I ask that you help me to keep my priorities strait and seek you first and love my neighbors as myself. I ask that the truth be know in this country, I ask for the leadership of each city state and country of this world to encounter you and come to walk in your way.

July 4th 2020, The struggle is real!!

Reading: 1 Chronicles 25-26, Psalm 62, Hebrews 2, and Luke 3

Scripture: Psalm 62:1-2, For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.

Thoughts: This morning this Psalm stuck out, I know that this sort of thing shows up though out the Psalms, especially in those written by David. Being that I am waiting on things from work that were promised to me and have been held off as well as other things taken from me. I have been contemplating how or if to talk to those above me. This this passage reminded me the only promises are that my provisions in from God and that my house is built on his rock and this house will not be shaken or fall.

Prayer: Father God you are the creator of all things you are the great I AM and I sit at your feet longing to worship you. I  thank you that you are our provider and that you are leading and guiding us in what battles are to be waged and when to wage them. I thank you for your blessings and provisions. I thank you for my family and the great blessings they are. I ask that you help me to see the correct steps to take and when and how to take them.

July 3, 2020 Set up for success!!

Reading:1 Chronicles 22-24 and Hebrews 1

Scripture: 1 Chronicles 22:5, For David said, “Solomon my son is young and inexperienced, and the house that is to be built for the Lord must be exceedingly magnificent, of fame and glory throughout all lands. I will therefore make preparation for it.” So David provided materials in great quantity before his death.

Thoughts: As I read today what hit me was the amount of work that David was doing before he died, as a father I don’t want my children to fail. David was the same and he shows here when he is setting up Solomon up for success by making sure that he had everything he needed to build the temple. I want to give my children every opportunity to succeed and flourish but I know that even with the best intentions they can walk away, just like Solomon got distracted by the things of this world. I see our heavenly Father as the same way, he wants the best for us and wants to give us every opportunity to succeed, reminding me of Matthew 7:11, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” Let us do our best to set up our children (biological, adoptive, and spiritually) up for success  

Prayer: Father you are so wonderful, your grace and mercy overwhelm me. All creation shouts your name. I thank you for bringing those who help lead and guide me. I thank you for your love and sending your Son. I thank you for your provision and blessings. I thank you for my family. I ask for help bestowing the proper gifts to my children and preparing them to succeed. Lead them and guide them and help me show your love to them.

July 2 Where is your armor???

Reading: 2 Samuel 23-24, 1 Chronicles 21 and Philemon

Scripture: 2 Samuel 23:16-17, Then the three mighty men broke through the camp of the Philistines and drew water out of the well of Bethlehem that was by the gate and carried and brought it to David. But he would not drink of it. He poured it out to the Lord and said, “Far be it from me, O Lord , that I should do this. Shall I drink the blood of the men who went at the risk of their lives?” Therefore he would not drink it. These things the three mighty men did.

Thoughts: We may not see physical war as much as David did, there is still wars and battles or police actions going on where there is fighting all over the world. I know that when I have gone camping after being out for a week or more there are things you start longing for. Most of my camping it mostly roughing it we have our tents and a kitchen set up and depending on where we go maybe an outhouse or bathroom facility so one of the things is after that week I long for a shower. David had probably been dreaming of this water for a long time.

These three guys fight their way into this well draw water and fight their way back to David. Reading this my thought was are we being the three, when we hear our leader, our King longing for something do we just do it or are we sitting back going “the battle belongs to the lord,” and then sit back and watch it unfold. We have been given His armor and we should be ready to head into that battle, but are we? Is that armor put on, polished, and ready or is it hanging in the back of the closet or on the wall where we can admire that we have this armor as it rusts and becomes useless due to neglect. Put on your Amor of God and be ready to charge into the battle. Yes, the battle is the Lord’s but he wants Mighty men and women to rise up and fight for what is right.

Prayer: Father you are so wonderful, I thank you for your armor, I thank you that even though you could do it without me you have a place in your plan for me. I thank you for my family. I thank you for your provisions and blessings you pour out on us. I ask that my ears are open to your longings and that I am prepared to run into the battle.

July 1, 2020 Are you tearing us apart??

Reading: 2 Samuel 22, Psalm 18, and Titus 3

Scripture: Titus 3:10-11, As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.

Thoughts: At the beginning of this paragraph Paul was reminding us that before God got ahold of us and we began seeking him we were just like those people that are being spoken of. In a world where we are told truth is relative, and that you can have your truth and I can have mine. After mentioning several topics and conversations that would normally devolve into arguments or are arguments, he tells us how to deal with someone who seems to have the soul purpose to stir up division. He tells us warn them twice then have nothing to do with them. Are we continually going back to the fight to prove we are right or are we because we need to fight, God has called us to live peaceably, don’t let yourself be self-condemned because you can’t let it go.

Prayer: Father your love is so wonderful, I thank you for filling me with it to overflowing and I seek your help to pour out on others that I do not become stagnant. I thank you for family and friends and the love connection we have. I thank you for your provision and blessings you pour out on us. I ask that you help me to see if I am becoming self-condemned and argumentative. Help me to let it go and listen to your passions and seek to match mine to yours.